anxiety and nail polish

(omg how fabulous are these nails!)

i run a bit high in terms of stress as a person since..um..birth. i'm pretty sure i get my constantly-anxious and/or depressed demeanor from my ma (RIP, lady) because i recall her struggling in many ways as i grew up. coping mechanisms included cigs, coffee, screaming, zoning out on tv and bailey's irish cream in the evenings. always over ice. she'd sit in the dark in the dining room, pensive over the tiny glass, and when i'd ask her what was wrong she'd just swirl the ice cubes and tell me the drink was something her doctor had prescribed. this same doctor told her to smoke cigarettes to "calm her nerves" which maybe gives you a bit of an idea about the timeframe we're talking about here.




anyway, i've tried my share of coping mechanisms over the years--legal and illegal, expected and unexpected--but rounding up to age 40 this birthday, i'd hoped for a more holistic approach to dealing. however, an unfortunate blow recently (i went to quietly resign from my job--was threatened with a law suit in response. long, LONG story.) threw me into the highest stress i'd experienced in years. or, if not the highest, then maybe my resistance is low anyway, being predisposed to stressy outbreaks anyway. so today at the doctor for a blood pressure check-up, she suggested i finally give monitored anxiety meds a try. i'm not sleeping and i'm eating like crap and general paralysis due to anxiety is enough that i finally gave in.

i don't think i'm revealing any big surprises when i say i've tried anxiety medications in the past, but usually not in the intended way :) while my experiences with xanax and klonopin have been fun and definitely relaxing, they haven't been used when i really needed them, so the feeling i was left with was always "hmm, ok, zzzz." i'd always (probably stupidly) considered (for ME only) turning to prescriptions to manage mental health as a kind of...uh...cop out. i stress FOR ME because i don't have these kinds of restricted judgments for others. so, but well...half a pill in today already i feel clear-headed, not foggy in the slightest and definitely a bit more able to face the day. i guess 40 is not too late to learn some new things about yourself right? right, i hope.

now seriously, on the lighter side, NAIL POLISH:



i've really been feeling glitter this season. i always like to have fun with polish but i've kept the fun almost-exclusively on the toe-end of my mani-pedis. but this year i don't know--maybe because i'm out of work and therefore can no longer spring for a spa manicure, so i'm left to sift through my gigantic nail polish bucket and use what i gots? whatever the reason, it's fun. i'm enjoying myself :) found a couple of glittery polishes at the bottom of that bucket, but they'd mostly gummed up--so i found some cheapie brands at CVS--a rainbow chunky glitter by milani, and this sweet pink glitter by wet and wild. i layer them over newtral sparkly colors like beige and black (really makes the glitter stand out, but i'll bet you could lacquer it over your nude nails for a more subtle effect.) and, yeah, it serves to make me feel just a little more sparkly in general, not just at my tips :) it's the little things, right? pills and polish, i'll give them both a shot.