eat me

i hate cathy. this is not a new rebellious admission in the world of internet hating by any means. i mean, truly i can't think of ANYONE who likes cathy comic strips. not only are they anti-feminist and size-ist, but they're just. not. funny.

i have never been a size 5. i knew i was chubby by the time i was about...i guess 8 is when the baby fat should've melted off, but instead i started popping buttons on my shirts and my already full face turned full moon as the years pressed on. at my skinniest, i was a 9/10, and i pretty much looked like a ghoul. bones poking out everywhere, ribs and clavicle and sunken cheeks where i usually store my nuts. only the boobs stayed, and it was a different kind of challenge trying to find things to fit around them in medium-sized clothing. impossible. 14 seemed to be the perfect weight, but then i fell in love with a man who loved me no matter what size, and the eating without guilt began--a difficult road, really. just ask cathy.

currently at a size 16/18, and having just turned 40, i have to admit i'm feeling a bit sluggish. but i'm clueless as how to lose weight in a healthy way. in the past, it's always a crash--eating disorders of all kinds, diet pills, street drugs, abusive boyfriends and parents' comments, etc. i only really know how to drop pounds by hating myself. but now, here, in a place where i love the way it feels to be this size, but not how it feels i.e.: high blood pressure, heavy breathing, hard to walk, sweating in 80 degree weather, diabetes in my family, etc. i dream of healthful eating and exercise, but something always trips me up. i can't figure it out. i literally look in the mirror every day and think "ah, cute. you are CUTE."

and all the activism. being fat and being seen in public, being the model in my etsy shop, being out there and proud and pretty--i feel a failure to even desire to lose weight. it's part of the struggle.

anyway, i'm just venting. if any of you sweet crickets who stick around for my sporadic ramblings have any advice, or any tales to share about how to lose weight in a healthy, easy, fat-positive (???) way, i would love to hear about it.

in the meantime, cathy--have some chocolate, wear that bikini, dump your shitty boyfriend and get a clue. please.

yes you MAY

celebrate spring at the shop with FREE SHIPPING when you enter the code MAYDAYS at checkout. no restrictions--both domestic and foreign shipping are eligible. good until May 15, 2012. yay!

widows unite!

don't fret--i'm here to console you :D special coupon code at the shop for FREE SHIPPING today. enter the code GAMEDAY at checkout! lotsa new stuff--come by and browse a while...

what's that? i abandoned the blog again? WHO'S SURPRISED?? :D

ok ok, i know i've been away--but i have REAL excuses this time, and not just piss-poor excuses like "oh, i'm eatin yogurt and watchin saxondale on netflix, though!" no, i actually have been having some serious issues with the old noggin. lots of visits to the psych, lots of meds (and readjusting of said meds) and i think (i hope!) things seem to be turning around again, thank goodness, right? because the real important thing is now i can return to The Blog! which is as important to my one reader as anything, right, Deanna? :)

that said, i gots TONS of cute stuff coming up in the shop v. v. soon. spring stuff! fancy stuff! jackets, sweaters, and OF COURSE dresses up the whazoo. (or is it "wazoo"? i've never know.) i've got some new stuff up now worth checkin out, and in another week or two i'll have all the old stuff on supersale to buy to your heart's content. how's THAT for a late holiday gift? i know, i know, i'm too good to you (deanna :B).

to tide you over until next time, here's a seriously embarrassing outtake from this weekend's outfit photos. yes, my loving hub does all the picture-taking, and because he's also a SCOUNDREL he will sometimes HIT THE VIDEO BUTTON and catch me in all matters of foolishness. enjoy! (oh, and if someone knows how to straighten out the image, i would rilly appreciate it!!)