eat me

i hate cathy. this is not a new rebellious admission in the world of internet hating by any means. i mean, truly i can't think of ANYONE who likes cathy comic strips. not only are they anti-feminist and size-ist, but they're just. not. funny.

i have never been a size 5. i knew i was chubby by the time i was about...i guess 8 is when the baby fat should've melted off, but instead i started popping buttons on my shirts and my already full face turned full moon as the years pressed on. at my skinniest, i was a 9/10, and i pretty much looked like a ghoul. bones poking out everywhere, ribs and clavicle and sunken cheeks where i usually store my nuts. only the boobs stayed, and it was a different kind of challenge trying to find things to fit around them in medium-sized clothing. impossible. 14 seemed to be the perfect weight, but then i fell in love with a man who loved me no matter what size, and the eating without guilt began--a difficult road, really. just ask cathy.

currently at a size 16/18, and having just turned 40, i have to admit i'm feeling a bit sluggish. but i'm clueless as how to lose weight in a healthy way. in the past, it's always a crash--eating disorders of all kinds, diet pills, street drugs, abusive boyfriends and parents' comments, etc. i only really know how to drop pounds by hating myself. but now, here, in a place where i love the way it feels to be this size, but not how it feels i.e.: high blood pressure, heavy breathing, hard to walk, sweating in 80 degree weather, diabetes in my family, etc. i dream of healthful eating and exercise, but something always trips me up. i can't figure it out. i literally look in the mirror every day and think "ah, cute. you are CUTE."

and all the activism. being fat and being seen in public, being the model in my etsy shop, being out there and proud and pretty--i feel a failure to even desire to lose weight. it's part of the struggle.

anyway, i'm just venting. if any of you sweet crickets who stick around for my sporadic ramblings have any advice, or any tales to share about how to lose weight in a healthy, easy, fat-positive (???) way, i would love to hear about it.

in the meantime, cathy--have some chocolate, wear that bikini, dump your shitty boyfriend and get a clue. please.

yes you MAY

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widows unite!

don't fret--i'm here to console you :D special coupon code at the shop for FREE SHIPPING today. enter the code GAMEDAY at checkout! lotsa new stuff--come by and browse a while...

what's that? i abandoned the blog again? WHO'S SURPRISED?? :D

ok ok, i know i've been away--but i have REAL excuses this time, and not just piss-poor excuses like "oh, i'm eatin yogurt and watchin saxondale on netflix, though!" no, i actually have been having some serious issues with the old noggin. lots of visits to the psych, lots of meds (and readjusting of said meds) and i think (i hope!) things seem to be turning around again, thank goodness, right? because the real important thing is now i can return to The Blog! which is as important to my one reader as anything, right, Deanna? :)

that said, i gots TONS of cute stuff coming up in the shop v. v. soon. spring stuff! fancy stuff! jackets, sweaters, and OF COURSE dresses up the whazoo. (or is it "wazoo"? i've never know.) i've got some new stuff up now worth checkin out, and in another week or two i'll have all the old stuff on supersale to buy to your heart's content. how's THAT for a late holiday gift? i know, i know, i'm too good to you (deanna :B).

to tide you over until next time, here's a seriously embarrassing outtake from this weekend's outfit photos. yes, my loving hub does all the picture-taking, and because he's also a SCOUNDREL he will sometimes HIT THE VIDEO BUTTON and catch me in all matters of foolishness. enjoy! (oh, and if someone knows how to straighten out the image, i would rilly appreciate it!!)

shocking news: i am a cornball

that should come as no surprise to, you know, anyone :) but i am sort of a wooden model, so my husband/photog i think is doing what he can to get me to loosen up a little. the particularly "loose" shots aren't for public consumption, hahah! but otherwise, it's the same two poses and the same tight smile. i'm trying, i'm trying...

wondering what other sellers do. or, indeed, what other OOTD-ers do to change up their blue steel looks. any suggestions on how to get more relaxed in front of the camera would be GREAT. although i know barely anyone reads this. helloooo, out there in the ether! help miss one-look take better pictures? please?

ah well. you know what else bothers me? this is one of my favorite books of all time:



yours too, likely? ok. so, in the book, you'll recall they describe Harriet's spy sweatshirt as BLUE. why why WHY is it RED on the bookcover??? frustrated about this since, oh, about...1979. yeah.

FREE SHIPPING IN THE SHOP ENDS ON 12/1/2011! hurry hurry and get your big deal--check the shop announcement for deets :)

oh! before i forget!

(image from adam burton - awesome, yeah?)

i'm having an end of November coupon deal!! FREE SHIPPING when you enter the code FALLINLOVE at checkout. no limits, no restrictions, just FREE SHIPPING until the end of November for everyone! pretty cool, yes? yes. it is. lots of new things to drool over--drop by and see!

stuffing

i wonder how many bloggers out there today are starting off their post-turkey-feasting entries talking about how damn full they are? i'm certain i'm not in the minority today!

the hubs and i, having chosen once again to keep thanksgiving at homebase, sans relatives and other social engagements (no offense, loved ones!) shuffled down to The Royal Restaurant in Alexandria for a buffet worthy of...well, bellies looking to be stuffed, at any rate. fresh carved turkey, ham, roast beef. homemade stuffing with currants, creamy redskin mashed potatoes, candied yams, green beans, corn, broccoli smothered in hollandaise. i tried, valiantly, to get two plates worth of the goodies, but buffets are really a loss on me. i can never do it. ever. just another fat-person myth debunked: i cannot eat a trough's-worth of food. :o shocking, i know!

at any rate, still delicious, and now we're back home, pleasantly digesting. preparing to do chores--yeah, that's right. i am not an expert at two things in this post so far: relaxing, and buffets. so, after a bit of reflection, it's laundry and whatever else hits my inner cleaning demon.

today's real purpose is to give thanks, yeah? i'm at a low point in my life, and i'm not great about reaching out to friends, or accepting love--even when i need it most. i'm so happy to have built a little network around me of people i can trust, who make me laugh until i bust gaskets, who accept me as i am--filthy of mouth, prone to flakiness, ebulliently childish, but emo at the drop of a hat. i love you, family and friends. you're what the season is about. thanks so much <3